My Own Hell (自分の地獄)
A profound reflection on hesitation, the masks of kindness we wear, and facing the consequences of our unchosen paths.
Creative Background
"This song delves into the internal conflict of self-deception—how sometimes we pass our cowardice off as 'kindness' for others, accumulating regrets that build our personal 'hell'. It encourages facing one's true feelings and truths directly."
Lyrics
また一歩 踏み出せずに
Once again, unable to take a step forward
言葉だけ 並べていた
I was just lining up words
優しさだと 思い込んで
Convincing myself it was kindness
本当は 逃げていたのか
Was I actually just running away?
何度も 見送った夢
Dreams I sent off countless times
誰かのためと 言い訳して
Making excuses that it's for someone else
胸の奥に 沈めてきた
I've sank them to the bottom of my heart
選ばなかった 未来たち
The futures I didn't choose
これは 思いやり？
Is this consideration?
それとも 臆病？
Or cowardice?
きれいな理由を 重ねるほど
The more I stack up pretty reasons
心が 濁っていく
The muddier my heart gets
見ろよ 自分の地獄だ
Look, this is my own hell
迷った数だけ 積み上がる
Piling up as much as I've hesitated
失ったものの 形をして
Taking the shape of things I lost
静かに ここに立っている
Standing here quietly
見ろよ 自分の地獄だ
Look, this is my own hell
それとも 傷つくのが怖かった？
Or was I just afraid of getting hurt?
答えはまだ 言えないまま
Still unable to say the answer
今日も ここにいる
I'm here again today
誰かのため という顔で
With a face that says 'It's for someone else'
自分から 遠ざかって
Distancing myself from myself
善意という 仮面の裏
Behind the mask called good intentions
言えない理由 隠していた
I hid the reasons I couldn't say
助けたいと 思う気持ち
The feeling of wanting to help
嘘じゃない それでも
Isn't a lie, but even so
一歩引いた その瞬間
The moment I took a step back
何かが また消えていく
Something disappeared again
それは 本当に
Is that really
優しさなの？
Kindness?
それともただ
Or did I just
逃げたかった？
Want to run away?
見ろよ 自分の地獄だ
Look, this is my own hell
躊躇いの跡で できている
Made of the traces of hesitation
誰も責めない この場所で
In this place where no one blames me
一番 責めているのは
The one blaming me the most is...
見ろよ 自分の地獄だ
Look, this is my own hell
善人のふりをしていたのは
The one pretending to be a good person
胸の奥の 静かな声
The quiet voice deep in my chest
もう 聞こえている
I can already hear it
もう 目をそらすな
Don't look away anymore
ここまで 来たんだ
You've come this far
言い訳より 真実を
Rather than excuses, give the truth
自分に 渡せ
To yourself
見ろよ 自分の地獄だ
Look, this is my own hell
逃げ場なんて 最初からない
There was no place to run from the start
選ばなかった すべての道が
All the paths I didn't choose
今ここで 問いかける
Are questioning me right here, right now
見ろよ 自分の地獄だ
Look, this is my own hell
それはまだ 分からない
I don't know it yet
でも 目を開けて
But I open my eyes
この地獄を 見つめる
And stare into this hell
それが 最初の一歩
That is the first step